I experience the world through word and image, and I communicate primarily through word and image. These are my gifts and my passions. But I have been afraid to share them with the world.
I have undergone a massive personal transformation in the last 12 months. I went into a deep, dark introspective place to look long and hard at the choices I’d made to end up in the dismal situation I found myself: broke, unemployed, in a dying marriage, derailed with no idea what my next step should be.
No one did this to me. I’m not a victim. I made choices. Some big, some seemingly innocuous. But they all led to this. So I needed to look long and hard at those choices and figure out why I made them. No more bullshit. I had no more room for error, and I’d used up massive amounts of goodwill among my friends and with my wife.
I recognized a lot of unpleasant things about myself: my deepest fears, how I wield my white male privilege, how I have caused injury to those I love most – and to myself. I am accepting things about myself that I was never previously willing to admit. I am embracing traits that I have long considered faults but who are simply me. How I operate. How I engage the world. It’s not what I’ve been pretending to be for my entire life.
It’s me. It’s all me.
Now I feel myself transitioning into a reevaluation of the world in which I find myself. What are the real systems at play here, what do I think is coming, how should I be in this world at this moment of imminent state shift? I am asking these questions, and coming up with lots of answers, and then more questions. I’m seeking a friendly exploration of ideas among respectful friends. If you’re interested in these topics, please comment liberally. I am looking for dialog.
I recently advised my friend Anne on her blog. I had a strong vision of what I thought it should look like, a mix of her words and her images in a very particular way. I lobbied hard for it even though she didn’t seem completely sold on it.
I now realize that the blog I was insisting Anne make is actually the blog I want to make. That’s my blog. I need to start it. So here it is.